Change

 

“When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Devil and Miss Prym

After almost two years of uncertainty at work, the inevitable restructure and change to my role has been and gone. The decision to stay or walk away was made for me as my role was declared surplus to requirements and the options available less than appealing. The emotional rollercoaster ride was intense, feelings of rejection, anger, sadness and fear flooded through me. My confidence was already suffering and this change saw it drop through the floor as I sat and wondered how on earth was I ever going to find another job. Thankfully, my family, friends and colleagues helped me see that there would be other opportunities and that ultimately I would be happier. Saying goodbye to the people I had worked alongside for many years was hard, but knowing that I will see my friends again makes it easier and hopefully, we will all be in a happier place.

So, here I sit, on my lounge at home with Bundy by my side,  and I am okay. I miss the truly wonderful people I worked with and of course the income, but this change has been a good thing for me. Taking the time to wind down and relax is doing wonders for my peace of mind and I have more time to dedicate to the things I love. It would be wonderful to find a role that will fulfil my soul and allow me to focus on my passions, or at the very least a job in an area of interest to me. In the meantime, I am setting up an art room to encourage me to paint more and developing my dog photography skills at our local shelter. Bundy seems to be enjoying the extra time he gets to spend hanging out with me and I know he loves being able to stay inside when the weather is cooler. Now that my little boy is in his senior years  I definitely love to be able to spend more time with him, making sure he is happy and comfortable.

Where did the time go?

Only yesterday (or so it seems) my husband, Bundy and I were at the beach admiring the creative works of others and making the most of the opportunity to get our feet wet. If you’re wondering where Maxi, our other black dog is, she didn’t join us at the beach because her arthritis doesn’t allow her to spend a couple of hours walking up and down the beach and as she gets older, she is getting less patient (friendly) with other dogs. Since the Swell sculpture exhibition life has gotten pretty busy, both socially and at work, but mainly at work and it has my head spinning. I generally don’t write about work, preferring to spend my spare time focusing on the loves in my life because that is what is most important to me and I think that when you write about work it can be easy to get bogged down in the negative.

The weeks are flying by, soon it will be Christmas but in the meantime my boss will have moved on and we’ll be looking down the barrel at a restructure of our entire division. Restructures aren’t always a bad thing, I don’t mind the change and I’m trying to remain optimistic, hoping that it won’t mean a major loss of jobs however I’m not naive and realise that some loss is inevitable especially for those staff on short term contracts. The scary thing is that I’ll probably be stepping into my boss’ shoes for the short term, why? Because I’ve been around for a while and our senior executives are hoping that I can maintain a level of stability for the team while they determine what our structure will look like. Can I do it? Who knows, my boss seems to think so which is really nice but I can’t help feeling like a fraud.

The likelihood of something going wrong, really wrong, is minimal for the short period of time that I’ll be acting in that role, still, it makes me quite nervous and I hope that the pressure doesn’t turn me into a complete stress bucket. Coming home to our two black doggies and spending Sundays at the shelter will help keep me grounded, when working with the dogs I don’t think about work, it is all about them and I’m usually so tired of an evening that I easily fall asleep.

I guess I just have to keep reminding myself that I am working to live and make myself take time to enjoy moments such as those in my photos.